fuck the olympics

You're an olympics fan aren't you? I know your kind. You're only a fan so you can watch the gymnastics girls. Its the one time you can watch 16 year old girls in spandex demonstrate how flexible they are and be a sports fan rather then being a creepy pervert. Well I for one am onto you and your tricks. You won't get away untarnished in reputation. I shall make sure of that.


I don't really know

Do you love yourself?

You probably shouldn't. You really aren't that special.
Those that do love themselves usually aren't worth listening too no matter what the subject may be. They are delusional at best, or perhaps crazy and lacking perspective without any true grasp of the world around them. Over 6 billion people and yet out of all these people they seem to think that somehow they are actually worth loving. Silly fools. Seems more then a bit self centered to me. What makes them worth loving when the rest of of the worlds population isn't even worth thinking about? You could try telling me all of them are worth loving and I'll tell you exactly how bat-shit insane you truly are.

You shouldn't hate yourself either.

Actually maybe you should. I don't know you or don't care enough about you to know for sure. To be safe just have a nice gentle indifference towards yourself or perhaps a mild satisfaction at best. Its not that you are horrible it's just there's so much else out there yet to see and try and explore. Actually you probably are horrible and a detriment to the entire human race and the earth as a whole but don't let that worry you. Just think about how many different beings have you tried being. How can you accurately judge one way or another until you have at least lived a few dozen lives. So you can't possibly know yourself objectively enough compared to enough forms of life to justify loving or hating yourself. If anything err on the side of caution and loathe your own existence. You really aren't very special and your life is nothing but a tiny spec in the hour glass of time. Such a tiny spec there is no way anyone would ever be able to accurately measure exactly how insignificant you are. Do as I do and take satisfaction in knowing that anyone else you ever meet, no matter how important they may seem at the time, is just as insignificant as you.

The case was recently made to me that if you're a hot chick with a nice pair then you should definitely love yourself. So I went drinking at a strip club and must admit I did see some pretty firm compelling reasons to back up this theory.


Life on the Rails

So back on March sixth I started a new job, and life, as a railroader. Since then I have mainly lived out of hotel rooms and spent most of my time working out on the tracks in the middle of nowhere. Its kind of taken over my life though I doubt I really had much to sacrifice for the job. It's a blast. I can't really explain it and sure don't want to try but I have taken a few pictures that I feel like sharing with the very few people that might read this. Enjoy.



Strange Sensations

I hate you. It's nothing personal. At this moment I am intoxicated and hate everything. I enjoy hating things. It seems like ages since I have seen anyone or done anything but work. Fuck I hate having to work. Work makes me want to drink more. All I ever spend my money on is booze. I like booze. If you aren't booze then you can fuck off.

In the morning I have to babysit. I hate babies. It shall give me a great excuse to have vodka for breakfast. If I put orange juice in my vodka for coloring it counts as part of my daily fruit intake I am sure. I like fruit. If you are a fruit though you can fuck off.

I haven't actually woken in the morning in months. I prefer to sleep through a normal day as there is then less chance of seeing all those weirdo freaks that occupy the world. What's so appealing about sunlight? I hate the sun. I light the darkest depths of night. I like the dark.


A Steaming Heap

Right now i am a bit pissed off. Tried to do a favor for a friend and they ended up lying to me and wasting my time. It usually takes a lot to piss me off and I am very rarely this mad. So annoyed I can't even calm down enough to sleep. I'll try to look on the bright side of things...

One trip to the local bar and I am more than thankful for my usual hermit like ways. I watched a drunk fellow stumble to his van, climb in and repeatedly slam shut the drivers side door. The door wasn't latching and so wouldn't stay closed. The genius of a fellow came up with a wonderful solution. Since slamming the door closed once didn't work then why not try eleven more times. He eventually drove off with the door hanging open. I hope he hit a ditched and died in a fire.

I heard the same joke three times from three different people. Watched 5 girls do the same backwards running in a spot thing and laugh after. Saw some rather hideous trendy looking fashions I shall never understand. There was a group of three fat chicks in clothing they must have purchased many years ago when they were anorexic as the clothes no longer fit properly. I also got to see a real life fight between two drunk men. Nothing quite like a fight to impress the ladies. I hate people. I think I needed a reminder of that as I have become far too cheery and optimistic as of late. Time for a smoke in the snow to cool down.

I wrote that last night at five in the morning and haven't edited it at all. It shall be a nice little reminder of my anger that I can look back on and laugh at. Some burger eating zombie mentioned ice cream and I am now craving some. I have no ice cream. Damn zombies.


What a Wonderful Waste

Today I was attempting to do some writing, I really thought I had something wonderful to write about, but it just didn't work out at all. It's been happening to me a lot lately. I have these wonderful thoughts and ideas so perfectly formed in my mind that just refuse to be put to paper. My mediocre idea escaped me, like so many others, and all I was left with was some dumb idea about keys.

The keys idea was all about how special and important a large amount of keys make people feel. Keys let you have access to things others don't. These areas are then exclusive to only those with keys and people like exclusivity. Why else would anyone want to carry around a large amount of keys around in their pocket? I don't know.

What a waste of a day. I have yet to accomplish anything with it. I never really accomplish anything with my days. I need some rum. Fuck I love rum. It will cure my cold for sure and if not I will be too drunk to care.


Tis The Hour Of My Discontent

Five to five in the a.m. The room is too bright to sleep in or maybe my sunburnt back is making me uncomfortable. Well, for whatever reason, I find myself wide away and listening to some Cat Stevens. He seems to be a fine distraction for the moment and a comfort for my troubled mind.

Just the other day I found myself in the position of walking home drunk and exhausted. The walk wouldn't have been so bad if I was accompanied by my battered Ipod but I had nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company. The sky was glowing dark blue giving me more than enough light to see with. Though I was still unable to spot any of the tiny chirping birds that were seemingly everywhere. The chirping was constantly with me as my feet crackled along the ground their tiny chirps echoed along in chorus. The birds were almost comforting.

Everything else left my thoughts when I spotted a robust toad sneaking along the road behind me. Why was a toad following me? I had to find out. As I stepped towards him he hopped away from me but then waited till I reached out for him before hopping just out of reach. I stepped towards the toad once again reaching out for him and once again he hopped just out of reach. This repeated a few more times which did not please my drunken mind or temper at all.

I sat down on the curb frustrated and sipped my beer. The evil taunting toad just stared at me. I stared back. Taking a mouthful of beer I placed my hand down in front of the toad. The toad stared at me then looked down at my hand and back up at me and hopped onto my hand. I lifted him up and placed him on my lap as we continued to stare at each other. After a few minutes I bust into laughters. It was a deep joyful belly laugh and I have no idea why I was laughing. The toad hopped off my lap and sauntered off so I slowly stood up and continued on my way home.

Sometimes I feel I am chasing after something thats always just out of reach. Can one learn profound lessons from a toad while drunk and stumbling home in the middle of the night? The toad was much wiser than he first appeared to be. The thing is I am not even certain if the encounter even happened. Lately, for me, dreams and reality have been blurring into one. I feel I should be able to tell the difference but the mind does many a curious thing.

Seventeen minutes after five. Still wide awake. I think I'll go for a walk.